Fancy Pants Blue Water Grill - Union Sq.

Blue Water Grill unsurprisingly boasts a restroom fit for a sea captain or a sea captain's prized whore! Step into the main room's bathroom and you will find the softest toilet paper as well as vanilla scented oils diffused in this nautical inspired bathroom. Check out the ceiling adorned with flower moldings and enough brass and marble that you'd be a fool to NOT poop in here. This is the place to go and relieve oneself after a great meal, try their Prixe-Fixe lunch special topped off with a double espresso, that'll do the trick!

The Phoenix Bar - East Village

My experience was really odd in this bar.  I didn't know it was a gay bar when I walked in with my republican, straight, conservative (he thinks G.W. is just a little misunderstood) older brother visiting from Texas.  

When I found out about the "Gayness" I didn't care and chose not to judge!  Let the drinking and pooing begin I thought.  Well, while I was hovering over the women's room toilet a nasty patron (male) peeked over into my stall looking atop the toilet divider.  This was all happening while 2 guys in the corner were giving each other head.  There was a drink thrown at me (He missed) and I muttered back to that "glass thrower" : I hope you get fucked so hard, he breaks something in there." See people, what I go through in order to review for all of you!  But luckily I can't stop, won't stop... what? Until I STOP...  I didn't get to poo there long story short BUT if you're going to lay one down, don't do it in the Women's bathroom.  Its the extra- naughty sex bathroom... and yes, I managed to snap this blurry photo in the middle of my argument with the brute one. 

Soft Spot Bar - Bedford Ave. Williamsburg Brooklyn

Soft Spot is a cute and cozy storefront tavern right off the L train.  Lots o' hipness... there's even mustache "graffiti" on the bathroom door.  I was really drunk on the 2 for 1 special when I took these pics so I don't remember pooing, but I can say in confidence, I would poo there if I could turn back time.  A little scuzzy, but speculatively speaking, a comfortable and decent place to poo.

7A 24hr Restaurant and Bar - 7th and Ave. A

I had a delicious quesadilla there and my partner enjoyed a juicy burger.  Both meals were very poo friendly.  Going to the bathroom it smelled a bit rancid but hey it's open 24 hrs so expect that damage is done in these bathrooms.  Poo and move on.  Decent t.p, functioning lock and plenty of soap and paper towels.  A little stinky, not the cleanest, but hey, it provides the essentials and knowing that for 24 hours these babies are operating, well that's definitely good news!  

Niagara Bar - St Mark's on Ave. A

Decent place to poo, even though I didn't have to poo.  The down side is you have to listen to the crappy band playing outside play since the "stage" and bathroom are only feet apart.  Also NO SOAP!  Why I oughta...

Blue and Gold Bar 7th & Ave A

The Blue and Gold is one of my favorite bars in NYC.  This place is equipped with painted on monopoly  table tops on their booth tables.  They have $1 pool and blue and gold house ale for only $3.  

Although not the coziest place to poo, they are without a doubt the least stinky.  What you lack in elbow room you gain in country freshness only an aerosol can provide.  Blue and Gold consistently provides a generally clean bowl, lots of t.p, cheap drinks and a great bar staff!  

La Famiglia Pizzeria - West 8th and B'way

La Famiglia in 8th and Broadway is an okay place to poo, It has soap, generally clean, but there is something forbidden about pooing in pizzerias for me.  Maybe it is because I see them like houses of worship... I really don't know.  None the less, here is a picture of their porcelain throne.